~ In LOVING Memories - My HuCkleBeRrY BoO ~

You see this story starts over a year ago. Well will soon be 2 years ago. I had meet this man. Well to me this man was perfect. But then when one loves someone that seems to be the case doesn't it. Well you see in the begining thing were great other than he was over (486 km) miles away. So seeing each other than by a plane ride wasn't really going to work. Well things went along for a while all fine and dandy. Till suddenly he started to change. Not sure, was it me or him. My life totally MISERABLE when he wasn't here with me. I always wanted him to know that, HOW MUCH I NEED HIM by my side. Well, i wasn't a demanded GF and actually he was considered as a very lucky BF to have me. Why did i said that? Because, all this while i kept this feeling of loneliness to myself, just because i don't want to make him feels like being FORCE or PUSH too hard in this relationship. However, i saw that he never ever wanted to learn about LOVE LIFE, and not even tried to understand my feeling (so hard to hear him saying I LOVE YOU - I MISS YOU).. Arrghh!!!! Then, it happened about a week ago, he CONFIRMED me with one thing ---> BREAK-OFF. I sent him an email to discuss about this and that time i was so upset. I wrote everything and asking for the break-off he thinks that he can't go on with this relationship anymore.Well not taking any notice. I let things go. Well i figure he had cold feet. So i let it go. decided to see where thing went wrong from there. They went down hill big time...

and NOW - TODAY, we are OVER with this relationship. To be honest with him, me myself, there is no BIG MATTER about this break-off between us. He was a very good guy to me. He was really2 mature but he wasn't a a lover (as of yet). He admit that for so long. He didn't know about how was it being in love and to treat his GF (me).. :D whatever it is, our decision is for our goods and future. We still friends and hope still keep in touch as like before.. Insyaallah, we both pray for each other and if there is a faith, destiny, if we are really MEANT to be with each other, the time will come and it will show us.. Amin..

Tonight - i am thinking about him - someone that i used to call as "B"

~ Dear B ~

I do not know what to think

I do not know what to do

I am sitting here in tears

Because I will never be with you

I thought you would be the one

To take away my feelings of blue

But now I can see

That I was so truely wrong

I have been thinking a long time

About you and me

But now I can see

That maybe it was never meant to be

Where do I go from here?

What am I meant to think?

I think of you, and shed a tear

As my confidence slowly sinks

I could not care less

About anything other than you right now

I feel such a mess

How did I fall for you so quickly?

Tell me...How?!

You are so perfect in my mind

I do not want no one else but you

But my friends keep telling me

That in time

I will find

Someone new

I do not think I can believe them this time

As I like you so much

I can not help but imagine the wedding bells chime

But you will never have feelings for me like that as such...

coz u knew "I will NEVER be with you"

and lastly, i just let our memories fading away

seeing you go with her...hand in hand

I say a little prayer for both of you

"Dear Lord, let them be blessed with all your love and care...be together forever and ever..till death...amin.."

~Sincerely from your Long Lost Bo0~

5th December 2009 ~ Day of My LOST LOVE ~

Hi there, 

I have been debating to write this story, but something in my heart keeps telling me that I have to. Maybe it’s to put closure to us, maybe its just to tell you how I feel, I don’t really don’t know.

I think back to us over the last 17 months and I am filled with mixed emotions – love, hurt, anger, and confusion. We had a roller coaster ride in our relationship and there’s a big part of me that wants it to end but another part of me that doesn’t. 

When you told me you loved me, did you know it would take me the rest of my life. To get over the feeling of knowing a dream didn't turn out right. When you let me believe that you weren't complete without me by your side, how could I know that you would go - that you would run…pity me – I thought you were the one.

One night after the big argument between us, I still remember that it was the very first time we supposedly broke up. You seems to be crazy when I asked for it and you were telling me you wanted me back on our track and you so damn crazily loved me – and that time, it seemed like it was true to me - but I don't know where our relationship stands and I was so confused due to your STATUS (you were legally OWNED).

Many things with guys have gone wrong in my past - all those relationships that I thought were gonna last. I have loved and been hurt too many times, so I have let down my guard and covered this broken heart of mine. I have given up on love because it gave up on me. So, if I were you, I would not try my chances on this broken heart, just turn around and leave me.

I know I must forget you to go on and I can't hold back my tears too long. Though life won't be the same, I have got to take the blame and find the strength I need to let you go.

I guess I will always love you. I will always love that simple man within you, the sweet you, the sensitive you, the affectionate you. And I will always miss the sweet words, your text messages, your admiring glances, the tight hugs, the sweet kisses, your touch, your strong arms, your comfort, the feeling of being safe, your sweet smile, your cute jokes with your crazy clown laugh, our long telephone conversation, our dinners, the holding hands, the late night in the friendly parking lot and YOU.

So, I let you go and my heart aches because I can feel the pain and the confusion you are going through. There'll never be a moment I'll regret because I have loved you since the day we met. For all the love you gave and all the love we made, I strongly believe and I know I have got to find the strength to say IT’S OVER between us.

Just walk away, just say goodbye don't turn around now, you may see me cry. I mustn't fall apart or show my broken heart or the love I feel for you. So walk away and close the door and let my life be as it was before. And I will never ever know just how I let you go…

But there's nothing left to say – JUST WALK AWAY…

Let OUR Loves be HISTORY... 

Bo0